So Grotty! Page 7

  Malachi puffed himself up to full height. ‘A pet?’ he said but softly, talking to himself. Pursed lips relaxed a little.

  ‘A cute pet,’ corrected Teb.

  Malachi’s eyebrows nudged upwards. The idea had possibility. He looked at Teb with a half-grin. Finally he said, ‘A cute pet,’ then repeated, ‘A cute pet,’ as though trying the idea on for size. Suddenly his features fell into a frown. He grabbed Teb’s jacket and pulled him closer. ‘But what? What sort of cute pet do you think she’d like?’

  Teb’s body shimmered in frustration. He shrugged and pulled away saying, ‘How would I know? A cute one, that’s what.’

  Malachi ignored him, churning through the possibilities. Teb, who knew him so well, could almost see his mind ticking.

  A kitten? All soft and fluffy. Big smile. But they’ve got sharp claws. Smile fades.

  A puppy? All cute and cuddly. Big smile. But they chew shoes and make big messes.

  Smile fades.

  A mouse? All whiskers and white fur. Big smile. But they are first cousins to rats! Smile fades.

  Teb watched Malachi’s piano-accordion smile and rolled his eyes.

  So deep in concentration was Malachi that he failed to see Xanthe walk over. But Teb hadn’t failed to see. Instead of alerting his friend to her nearness he chose to stay silent. To an observer it looked like Malachi was staring into space. In reality he was staring at the tarantula. Malachi began to talk to himself. ‘She’s beautiful, you know.’

  Xanthe hovered at a close distance then stopped, a questioning look on her face.

  Teb held his finger to his lips as if to say ‘shush’.

  Xanthe froze, her face growing more puzzled.

  Still, Malachi had not noticed her. ‘She’s beautiful and gorgeous…’

  Teb pointed at Xanthe and nodded in Malachi’s direction, his movements exaggerated as he tried to insinuate a link.

  The cloudy expression lifted and Xanthe started to smile.

  ‘…and her eyes? I love the way her eyes always seem to follow you…’

  The smile reached Xanthe’s eyes.

  ‘…and cute isn’t the word for her…’

  Pink smudged Xanthe’s cheeks.

  Over to the side Teb mimed air kiss after air kiss.

  Malachi was on a roll. ‘She’s so graceful that when she moves I have to stop and watch her…’

  The pink travelled under Xanthe’s collar and up to the tips of her ears. She squirmed, her eyes darting left and right.

  Caught up in the moment Teb mimed ‘holding’ and ‘kissing’, delighted at the effect he was having on Xanthe.

  Oblivious, Malachi went on. ‘Shame she’s so hairy…’

  Xanthe’s mouth flew open. Her hand flew to her top lip.

  ‘…and those fangs. Ughhh!’

  Xanthe’s hand clamped over her mouth, her eyes wide.

  Malachi blew gently on the tarantula, causing it to rear in annoyance. ‘She’d make a great pet.’

  ‘Pet!?’ Striding over to Malachi Xanthe stopped, her face millimetres away. ‘We’ll see about pet! Pest more like it.’ Xanthe whirled around and marched away calling back over her shoulder, ‘That’s what you are Malachi Eden. A great big pest!’

  Chapter Two

  ‘She hates me,’ said Malachi, with a sigh big enough to empty the sand from a desert.

  ‘No, she doesn’t,’ answered Teb. ‘She just thinks you’re a pest.’

  ‘Oh, great!’ replied Malachi. He sat on the back step at Teb’s place, his face hidden in his hands. It was Friday afternoon.

  ‘Whatcha doing for the weekend?’ asked Teb, changing the topic.

  ‘Nothing much,’ mumbled Malachi. ‘You?’

  ‘Soccer tomorrow and a party Sunday.’

  Malachi looked up, squinting in the light. ‘Whose party? Why wasn’t I invited?’

  Teb laughed and said, ‘Good question. It’s a family do.’

  ‘What’s the party for?’ asked Malachi.

  ‘Birthday,’ answered Teb.

  ‘Whose birthday?’

  ‘Someone’s.’ Teb was being deliberately unhelpful.

  ‘Do I know them?’ asked Malachi.

  ‘Sorta.’

  ‘Who, then?’

  Teb gave up. ‘Xanthe.’

  Malachi leapt off the step and stood facing Teb, his feet planted apart and his chest heaving. ‘How’d you score an invite to Xanthe’s party?’

  ‘My mum and her mum are second cousins, or something.’

  ‘That’s not fair!’ Malachi was almost shouting now, his words hurling drops of spittle into the air.

  ‘Cut it out,’ said Teb, pretending to duck.

  ‘Maybe you can score me an invite? Huh? Huh?’

  Teb looked at Malachi’s blotchy face and felt sorry for him. ‘Tell you what. How ’bout I take your present to the party for you? That way Xanthe will get it on her actual birthday and you can do a major suck. Guaranteed to make her fall for you.’

  Malachi thought for a minisecond then grinned saying, ‘Cool.’ He leapt to his feet. ‘Thanks, bro. I owe ya.’ He flung his arms round Teb and hugged as tight as plastic wrap.

  Teb pushed away and asked, ‘So what are you gonna get her? Still thinking of a pet?’

  ‘Yeah,’ answered Malachi putting his hand in his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. ‘I emptied my money box, raided Mum’s spare change jar, checked Dad’s armchair and called in the ten bucks I lent Dessie.’ He opened the wallet and pulled out some notes. ‘So that makes forty bucks.’

  Teb whistled. ‘Forty bucks? Why spend forty bucks when you can get a pet for free.’

  Malachi pulled a face in disgust. ‘If you think I’m giving her a pet silkworm or a pet rock, think again.’

  Teb laughed. ‘Nothing like that. People are always giving their pets away. The local paper’s full of ’em. I’ll grab one from the recycling bin and see what we can find.’

  The boys poured over the newspaper. ‘Here ’tis,’ said Malachi. ‘Pets for Sale.’

  ‘Cocker Spaniel pups,’ read Teb. He looked up, his face beaming. ‘She’d love one of those.’

  ‘Six hundred bucks!’ cried Malachi. ‘I don’t think so!’ He frowned as he scanned the column.

  ‘Here’s one,’ said Teb. ‘Free to a good home.’ He grinned at Malachi saying, ‘See? What’d I tell you.’

  Malachi jabbed the paper. ‘Eleven years old.’ He shook his head at Teb adding, ‘It better come with its own Vet Care Plan.’

  Teb shrugged and read on. ‘Free. Hi, my name is Spirit. I am a grey tabby. My family is leaving for overseas and I need a new home.’ Teb elbowed Malachi in the ribs. ‘Brings tears to your eyes, dun’nit?’

  Malachi took up the reading. ‘I catch mice and am desexed.’ He turned to Teb. ‘Sounding better all the time.’ Then, ‘Oh, oh-h-h. I love being pampered by adults but I do not like children.’ Malachi’s voice trailed off. ‘Xanthe’s got a kid brother, doesn’t she?’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Teb, unable to keep the disappointment from his voice. He looked at Malachi and said, ‘Maybe the vet’s got some pets to give away? People always dump new litters at the vet.’ He ran inside shouting over his shoulder, ‘I’ll get the phone book and bring out the cordless phone.’

  But a phone call to a few of the vets in their surrounding area also came up with nothing.

  ‘Looks like we’re back to pet shops,’ said Malachi, trying not to sound disappointed.

  ‘Yeah,’ agreed Teb.

  ‘Wonder if they advertise in the paper?’ said Malachi. ‘Painting. Paving. Pets.’ His finger traced down the columns in the newspaper. It stopped and jabbed at a section. ‘Pet Shop Supplier,’ he read to Teb. ‘Perfect. You read out the number and I’ll dial.’ A few moments later a nervous Malachi got through. ‘What have you got for a pet?’ he asked.

  ‘What did you have in mind, lovey?’ The voice at the end of the phone was so loud even Teb could hear it.

  ‘Anything. I
don’t really mind.’

  ‘Alive or dead?’ said the voice.

  Teb frowned, then blinked.

  ‘Who’d get something dead?’ asked Malachi. There was a pause before he continued. ‘Alive, of course! I couldn’t give anything that’s dead.’

  A loud guffaw sprang from the phone. ‘Didn’t think you’d be the sort to have the stomach for it. You sound like a bit of a wuss.’

  Malachi flinched but tried again. ‘Look, I want to buy something. What have you got that’s definitely alive?’

  ‘We got mice. We got rats.’ Suddenly the voice grew stern. ‘What’s it for?’ it demanded.

  ‘It’s—it’s for a present,’ said Malachi. ‘For my friend.’

  ‘Ha, ha!’ hooted the voice. ‘Some friend, Sonny. Does it have fur or scales?’

  ‘My name’s not Sonny,’ Malachi went on. He did not like this person he was speaking to. Did not like them at all.

  Suddenly, Teb wrenched the paper over and peered at the ad before biffing Malachi across the head.

  ‘Hang up!’ Teb demanded, grabbing the phone from Malachi and pressing the button himself.

  ‘What?’ yelled Malachi, trying to punch Teb back.

  Teb started to laugh. ‘You want Pet Shop, you idiot! Not Pet Shop Suppliers.’ His laugh got louder. Teb clutched at his stomach as tears ran down his cheeks.

  Malachi glared at his friend saying, ‘I don’t get it.’

  Barely able to get the words out Teb spluttered, ‘You’ve phoned one of them places where they supply pet shops with food.’ He stopped, looking for words. ‘Like live mice and grasshoppers or dead horse meat,’ he finished.

  ‘Horse meat?’ echoed Malachi, as confused as ever.

  ‘You dingbat!’ howled Teb, breaking into more peals of laughter.

  Eager to get things right Malachi grabbed the newspaper again but he was flustered and had difficulty reading the numbers. Quickly he began to dial. ‘I’d like to buy a pet,’ he began. ‘And I’ve only got forty dollars.’

  There was a long pause at the end of the phone. Again, the voice that came through was loud enough for Teb to hear. ‘A pet, you say?’

  Malachi unpursed his lips. ‘A cute pet,’ he explained.

  ‘Well, I guess…’ said the man, ‘you could call ’em cute.’

  Teb shook Malachi’s arm as he whispered, ‘Better run a check, first. You don’t want to give Xanthe a dud.’

  Malachi nodded, cleared his throat, then asked, ‘Is it cheap to feed?’ Teb was close enough to hear the answer come over the phone, ‘Very.’

  ‘Does it need a lot of exercise?’

  ‘Nah. They sort of exercise themselves.’

  ‘Does it need lots of company?’

  ‘They’re very independent.’

  ‘Is it a male or a female?’ Malachi exploded. ‘Whaddya mean, you can’t tell? Turn it upside down.’ There was a pause, then a very rude word hurtled out of the phone. Undaunted, Malachi continued. ‘If it’s got a doodle it’s a boy. If not, it’s a girl.’ Malachi waited, then scowled as he whispered to Teb, ‘He says, “I ain’t checking for no doodle”.’

  ‘D’you blame him?’ asked Teb. He shrugged and asked, ‘Does it matter?’

  ‘When can we pick it up?’ asked Malachi, ‘I need it for Sunday.’

  ‘No problem.’

  ‘And where are you?’

  Distracted by a stream of ants Teb had bent down and was using his finger to divert them. He jumped as Malachi howled into the phone. ‘But I can’t possibly get there! That’s ages away. I live in Tilleen.’

  ‘Where is he?’ asked Teb, but Malachi ignored him and started nodding into the phone saying, ‘Yes. Near West Harlow. Um, hmmmm. Yup.’ Finally, with a ‘One o’clock? Okay. That’d be great,’ he hung up. ‘Yes!’ he shouted, pummelling the air with his fist. ‘He’s gonna meet me at Buster’s Park on Sunday at one. I’ll give him the money and he’ll hand it over.’

  ‘Awesome!’ exclaimed Teb. ‘Whatcha buy? Whatcha get Xanthe?’

  ‘You were making so much noise,’ said Malachi. ‘I couldn’t quite catch it.’ He hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. ‘He said glitter. It’s some sort of glitter something.’

  ‘Glitter?’ asked Teb. ‘Must be some sort of fish.’

  ‘An expensive exotic fish,’ agreed Malachi. He shrugged. ‘Or maybe an exotic bird?’

  Chapter Three

  Next day, Malachi met Teb for a cricket practice up at Buster’s Park. Teb bowled then Malachi batted, then Malachi fielded—fielded because he kept missing the ball and without a backstop he had a lot of retrieving to do. Malachi had ‘things’ on his mind. For the umpteenth time he tossed the ball back to Teb and stood, bat poised.

  Rubbing the ball on his thigh Teb strode backwards, carefully pacing his run-up. He stood for a moment, bounced on his toes a few times, then came hurtling in.

  Malachi swung. And missed. Again.

  ‘C’mon,’ goaded Teb. ‘Even my grandma could hit one.’

  From across the park a voice called out, ‘Loser!’

  Malachi and Teb whirled around, surprised to see a girl jump from a tree.

  ‘You speaking to me?’ asked Teb, taking a few steps forward, the ball clenched between his fist.

  ‘No, him.’ The girl pointed at Malachi. ‘That loser.’

  Another girl descended from the tree. It was Bridget, from school. Malachi went from angry to shocked to angry again. He could feel a throbbing in his head and a tightening across his chest.

  ‘Loser,’ said the girl, again. ‘You’ve missed every one. You spasticated or what?’

  ‘He’s not spasticated,’ interrupted Bridget. ‘Just a bit unco.’

  ‘An unco loser, then.’ The girl paused. ‘Blo-o-o-nk!’ she added, dragging out the word like a car horn.

  Malachi took a deep breath. He tried to think of a suitable response to the girl, something equally as insulting. But he couldn’t. Things like, ‘You’re a meanie’ or ‘You big bully’ weren’t quite what he was looking for. Time dragged like when you’re waiting for the dentist. Malachi glanced at Teb. A wink wasn’t really what he was looking for either.

  This is ridiculous, thought Malachi. I really am a loser. Taking another breath he cleared his throat and blurted, ‘I’m not the loser. You are. You’re dead ugly.’

  ‘Go, boy!’ said Teb. ‘Yeah. You go, boy!’

  Dead ugly? Malachi grimaced. It wasn’t quite what he had in mind, but it would have to do.

  ‘Bull!’

  Malachi scrutinised the girl. What she lacked in height she sure made up for in attitude. A small pointed face glared back. Small face, small teeth, thought Malachi. Out loud he said, ‘You look like an eel.’

  His brain felt like it had been scrambled —no, deep fried—nuked really, while he tried to grasp why he’d said that.

  ‘Eels are nature and nature is beautiful,’ countered the girl.

  Apart from the slight flare to his nostril you’d never know that Malachi had even heard. He tapped the bat on the grass, inspecting the dent in the ground, then tapped again.

  ‘People pickle eels and eat them,’ he finally said. He was beginning to regret getting into a slinging match with this girl.

  At that exact moment Xanthe jumped out of the tree. Malachi groaned. Trust Xanthe to see this.

  ‘Actually, eels are really yummy.’ She smiled at Teb and Malachi. ‘They taste like chicken.’

  Was Xanthe trying to be nice? Malachi frowned as he wrestled with the idea.

  ‘Crocodile tastes like chicken, too,’ he said finally.

  ‘So does snake,’ said Xanthe. She giggled. ‘And witchetty grubs.’

  ‘And frogs legs.’ Here I am, chewing the fat with Xanthe, thought Malachi. He could feel his confidence soar. On a roll Malachi continued. ‘Even cats taste like chicken.’

  ‘Cats!’ At the mention of eating cats Xanthe looked like she was going to throw up. Her hand clutched at her mouth. ‘How could you say s
uch a thing.’ Xanthe’s voice went screechy and her face turned red. ‘I love cats!’

  Now, I’ve blown it, thought Malachi. He stood, mouth gaping open, looking and feeling like an idiot.

  ‘Loser,’ repeated the girl and she walked away.

  ‘Good one, Malachi,’ shot Bridget as she also turned to go.

  ‘How could you?’ whispered Xanthe. Her voice wobbled before rising to a crescendo. ‘You, you—moggie muncher!’ Then she, too, took off.

  Malachi watched them. With each step Xanthe was drifting further and further away. Malachi felt like a man who’d lost his life buoy.

  Teb shook his head then spat on the ground in disgust. ‘Ignore them,’ he said. ‘And don’t worry about Xanthe. She’ll come round. You’ll see. Especially after she gets her birthday present.’

  ‘What if she doesn’t come round? What if I’ve lost her forever?’

  Teb picked up the bat and flung it in frustration. At first the bat flew hard but as it slowed it swivelled a bit.

  Thwack!

  Aaaark…

  Malachi gaped in astonishment. The big black bird was struck down mid-swoop. Teb couldn’t have done that if he’d tried. The bird lay there, wings outstretched, legs jerking—its beak and eyes open. Blood welled from the bird’s eye.

  Malachi glanced up. The girls had stopped. They were gaping, first at the bird, then at him.

  Aaaark! Aaaark! The crow went into a spasm of flapping. Blood flew into the air.

  Teb stood, unable to move, unable to wrench his eyes off the bird.

  Aaa…The flapping stopped but the feet kept jerking.

  Huge sobs burst from Xanthe’s lips.

  Scooping up the bat Malachi ran over to the crow. It was the only thing to do.

  ‘Murderer!’

  ‘Assassin!’